Friday, Then and Now
7:00 a.m.
Age 21 – Sleeping.
Age 40 – Inhaling your second cup of coffee while packing your kids’ lunches (wait, whose class can’t have peanut butter?), letting the dog out, searching for your mascara, googling whether three year-old mascara will cause an eye infection, reminding your husband you have dinner plans with your girlfriends, and eating a handful of bread crusts you cut off that morning’s PB&Js (seriously, which kid is going to have his lunch confiscated?).
12:00 p.m.
Age 21 – Rolling out of bed and over to the mirror, where you look at your natural collagen-filled face and determine there is no need for makeup, while putting on jeans over thighs that don’t look like a bumpy road full of potholes, and not bothering with a bra because gravity is years away from sinking your battleships.
Age 40 – Triple confirming the dinner reservation you made 3 weeks ago because who has time to wait for a table, and thinking about how much your feet will hurt later after wearing high heels for 3 hours even though you will be sitting down.
6:00 p.m.
Age 21 – Pregaming, or the act of drinking cheap beer with your friends for several hours before you leave the house to go… drink cheap beer with your friends.
Age 40 – Wondering how many glasses of wine will allow you to relax and have fun, but also be able to attend the next morning’s soccer game without looking and feeling like the Cryptkeeper.
8:00 p.m.
Age 21 – Calling your friends on your phone that has an actual cord to make plans for the night. After all, it’s, like, so early.
Age 40 – Gathering your girlfriends on one side of the table and politely asking your server to take a group photo. This is followed by the Passing Of The Phone ritual, so that each woman can gauge whether the photo acceptably hides all traces of: wrinkles, wine-stained teeth, bad angles, red eyes, tired eyes, tipsy eyes, and generally filters out all sense of the reality that is aging.
11:00 p.m.
Age 21 – Standing on a bar participating in a Tootsie Roll contest with no concern that your future employer or your mother will see a video of your booty thrusts on the Internet because, you know, your only phone is the one with a cord in your bedroom.
Age 40 – Applying 14 anti-aging night creams, staring at the ceiling, wondering if you remembered to lock the front door, if you should reschedule next week’s dermatologist appointment, if you can get away with wearing yoga pants to work meetings, if you should become vegan.
2:00 a.m.
Age 21 – Waiting in line at the city’s most popular pizza truck for a Medium pepperoni, which you will eat while laying in bed. Laying. In bed. With carbs.
Age 40 – Waking up with severe indigestion and searching for the Tums in your nightstand drawer, which is crammed full of pain pills, stomach pills, electrolyte pills, face cream, eye cream, hand cream, lip serum, approximately 47 baggies of spare buttons that come attached to every article of clothing ever sold, and for some inexplicable reason, a spatula.
TGIF, Ladies.
© Calling All Cool Moms 2019
