by julie | Oct 21, 2020 | Older and Wiser, Relationships
A model. I want to be a model. That was me at 6 years old, because I thought I could sit still and smile all day and get paid. Nevermind that you have to, you know, be tall (I never made it past 5’6”), and walk without looking like a drunk duck (I have a wonky knee...
by julie | Feb 19, 2020 | Mothers Anonymous, Older and Wiser, Party On, Relationships, Women Rule
I am 40. I have gray hair. Wrinkles. Aches and pains. I can’t fully straighten the fingers on my right hand. I get indigestion. I am asleep by 9pm. My job is stressful. I drink too much wine. I don’t understand Tik Tok. I don’t like driving at night. I’ve been married...
by julie | May 23, 2019 | Older and Wiser, Parenting Nightmares, Uncategorized
1. Don’t admit you are his mom, especially to his friends. Alternate introductions include: private chauffeur, aging foreign exchange student, or… on second thought, just don’t talk. 2. Don’t be loud. Anything that draws attention to your teenager’s existence...
by julie | Mar 27, 2019 | Older and Wiser, Party On, Relationships
Friday, Then and Now 7:00 a.m. Age 21 – Sleeping. Age 40 – Inhaling your second cup of coffee while packing your kids’ lunches (wait, whose class can’t have peanut butter?), letting the dog out, searching for your mascara, googling whether...
by julie | Jan 7, 2019 | Older and Wiser, Parenting Nightmares, Women Rule
In the land of new mothers, I am a dinosaur. Actually, I like to think of myself as vintage. Like the Louis Vuitton fanny pack your grandma might have owned, now only available through a Sotheby’s auction. That bag and I have been through wars (WWII and 17 hours of...
by julie | Jul 18, 2018 | Older and Wiser, Relationships
Hey Babe, listen up. Be nice to your sister. She will become your best friend. When Pilates becomes a thing, start doing it immediately. You will develop cellulite at age 13, and that sh*t is permanent. Put. That. Cigarette. Down. Work at maintaining your...
