Pretty Little Lies

You know how after a bottle of wine, you become Wonder Woman?  Serious problems can be solved with a hug, you are braver than Moana, and hotter than Kendall.  Basically, you are a blind moron.   These Wonder Woman Wine Goggles are also bestowed upon us in a more...

Simply the Best

A curious, amazing thing happens when you give birth.  Even though your kid comes out looking like a raisin you squished under your shoe, you truly believe you delivered a genetically gifted Abercrombie model of a baby.  He is the next Steve Jobs.  She will become...

The Mommy Roster

Moms.  Love us, hate us, judge all 85 million of us.  We are judging each other, and we are the harshest critics.  Welcome to the Mommy Jungle. Perfect Mommy – Her toddler’s last birthday party was Princess Kate themed, and promised a Skype session with The...

One Hit Wonder

Recently, while explaining to my friend Taylor how she could swindle her husband into buying her new boobs, her kids decided to wrap themselves around me like an Hérve Léger bandage dress.  Within seconds, Taylor had launched herself across the room, yelling,...

Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down

“OHMYGOD what is in your bathroom?!” My sister is visiting, and I can only assume she found a) my crimping iron,  b) cellulite cream, or c) the earrings I stole from her circa 2007.  (Seriously though, crimping WILL come back in style and I will be leading...