You Have The Gift

“Can my son play with your cleaning products?” The fellow toddler mom whose house we were visiting looked at me like I offered to drop scorpions in her baby’s Pack-n-Play. “It’s okay, really. He just likes to line them up and read the...

I Suck at Being a Mom

I suck at being a mom. I put you to sleep on your stomach. I left you with a variety of babysitters, some with questionable morals. I forgot to pack your school lunch… on your birthday. Sometimes I fall asleep before I can say good night to you. Your socks never...

#ThrowbackThursday

“What’s an answering machine?”  “So there was no iCloud and you had to store stuff on a floppy disk… that wasn’t actually floppy?” “Wait, you were allowed to ride your bike to the store BY YOURSELF when you were my...

No Kids, No Shoes, No Service

I am obsessed with Beachfront Bargain Hunt.  It is a show on HGTV, where idiots show up on St. Thomas and tell a realtor “We are ready to buy our beachfront dream house!  Our budget is $250,000!”  And the realtor proceeds to show them a broom closet 10...

Pretty Little Lies

You know how after a bottle of wine, you become Wonder Woman?  Serious problems can be solved with a hug, you are braver than Moana, and hotter than Kendall.  Basically, you are a blind moron.   These Wonder Woman Wine Goggles are also bestowed upon us in a more...

Let’s Hear it for the Boy (Moms)

Twenty weeks.  The magic moment when a pregnant woman can find out the gender of Le Baby living the Kardashian life of private chefs and VIP travel accommodations inside her.  There is no wrong answer to this mystery – either way you are going to cry and be all...