You Have The Gift

“Can my son play with your cleaning products?” The fellow toddler mom whose house we were visiting looked at me like I offered to drop scorpions in her baby’s Pack-n-Play. “It’s okay, really. He just likes to line them up and read the...

I Suck at Being a Mom

I suck at being a mom. I put you to sleep on your stomach. I left you with a variety of babysitters, some with questionable morals. I forgot to pack your school lunch… on your birthday. Sometimes I fall asleep before I can say good night to you. Your socks never...

#ThrowbackThursday

“What’s an answering machine?”  “So there was no iCloud and you had to store stuff on a floppy disk… that wasn’t actually floppy?” “Wait, you were allowed to ride your bike to the store BY YOURSELF when you were my...

No Kids, No Shoes, No Service

I am obsessed with Beachfront Bargain Hunt.  It is a show on HGTV, where idiots show up on St. Thomas and tell a realtor “We are ready to buy our beachfront dream house!  Our budget is $250,000!”  And the realtor proceeds to show them a broom closet 10...

Pretty Little Lies

You know how after a bottle of wine, you become Wonder Woman?  Serious problems can be solved with a hug, you are braver than Moana, and hotter than Kendall.  Basically, you are a blind moron.   These Wonder Woman Wine Goggles are also bestowed upon us in a more...