The Mommy Roster

Moms.  Love us, hate us, judge all 85 million of us.  We are judging each other, and we are the harshest critics.  Welcome to the Mommy Jungle. Perfect Mommy – Her toddler’s last birthday party was Princess Kate themed, and promised a Skype session with The...

One Hit Wonder

Recently, while explaining to my friend Taylor how she could swindle her husband into buying her new boobs, her kids decided to wrap themselves around me like an Hérve Léger bandage dress.  Within seconds, Taylor had launched herself across the room, yelling,...

Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down

“OHMYGOD what is in your bathroom?!” My sister is visiting, and I can only assume she found a) my crimping iron,  b) cellulite cream, or c) the earrings I stole from her circa 2007.  (Seriously though, crimping WILL come back in style and I will be leading...

Dear Future Daughter-In-Law

Dear Future Daughter-In-Law, As I write this, you’re probably riding your bike, bopping along in your hot pink Justice leggings and bedazzled tank.**  Of course, there is always the chance that my son could pull an Ashton, and land himself a Demi.  In which...

Try It, You’ll Like It

There are many, many things in life that I do not enjoy, including but not limited to: temperatures below 65 (you will never catch me skiing, although rosy cheeks are a really good look for me, and I’ve always thought I would look cute in a rustic cabin with a...