My Life With Anxiety, Part 2

The laundry room is in the basement. For the last year, I have been terrified of going down there. It’s not because of spiders, and I don’t have an aversion to dirty socks. It’s because I once had a panic attack while standing in front of the washing...

#ThrowbackThursday

“What’s an answering machine?”  “So there was no iCloud and you had to store stuff on a floppy disk… that wasn’t actually floppy?” “Wait, you were allowed to ride your bike to the store BY YOURSELF when you were my...

Pretty Little Lies

You know how after a bottle of wine, you become Wonder Woman?  Serious problems can be solved with a hug, you are braver than Moana, and hotter than Kendall.  Basically, you are a blind moron.   These Wonder Woman Wine Goggles are also bestowed upon us in a more...

Let’s Hear it for the Boy (Moms)

Twenty weeks.  The magic moment when a pregnant woman can find out the gender of Le Baby living the Kardashian life of private chefs and VIP travel accommodations inside her.  There is no wrong answer to this mystery – either way you are going to cry and be all...

What a Pain

Every woman loves to tell the story of delivering her child into this world.  Not the joy of seeing that little alien face for the first time, but of the life-sucking, soul-crushing, mother-f*cking PAIN of the delivery.  We wear it like a badge.  When you have an...

Bringing Sexyback

I am 5 feet 6 inches, and weigh as much as a newborn giraffe.*  I wasn’t always this way.  There was my high school phase (when eating Taco Bell every day after school was my fourth meal), and my college phase (when eating Taco Bell every night at 2am, as God...