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Power Couple

Description – In a constant salary competition. After performing a heated risk assessment, adopted an 8 year-old from Singapore, who was promptly enrolled in early business education classes after school. Last vacation was based around his work conference in Arkansas. 

Met – At the Four Seasons in DC, where they both were complaining to the front desk about the spotty WiFi. 

Turn Ons – Wolf Blitzer, Chenin Blanc won at auction from France’s Loire Valley, micromanaging.

Sex Life – Efficiently scheduled for 10 minutes every third evening after CNBC’s Squawk Box.

Forever Couple

Description – Have been together longer than most mortgage terms. Still have their letterman jackets, which they gave to their 2.4 kids last Christmas. Use Find My iPhone to keep track of each other.

Met – In 7th grade. 

Turn Ons – Disney cruises, local football games, chaperoning prom.

Sex Life – Only on birthdays and anniversaries.

New Couple

Description – Not afraid of a PDA. Still enjoy holding hands, sexting, and calling each other pet names. A day-date at Angels for Animals led them to adopt a three-legged pug, who they immediately created an Instagram account for, and who is referred to as their Oldest Son. 

Met – When she swiped right. 

Turn Ons – Everything. 

Sex Life – On the phone, an empty subway car, a friend’s guest bathroom, the hotel balcony, and once behind the grocery store deli counter. 

Sporty Couple

Description – All adrenaline, all the time. Celebrated their last anniversary heli-skiing in Finland. Their only child (delivered during a Pilates session) is on track to land a spot on the Tokyo 2020 Crew team.  

Met – She slid into his DMs after watching his Yosemite free climb video on YouTube.

Turn Ons – Soul Cycle, The Rock, gym mirrors. 

Sex Life – Often involves competitive events, like best orgasm or strongest landing.

2019 Couple

Description – Determined to destroy the gender construct. Stop asking when they will get married, because marriage is the only form of slavery permitted by law. 

Met – When they showed up with the same ‘Trump uses Comic Sans’ sign at the Women’s March. 

Turn Ons – Are based on societal stereotypes, how dare you?

Sex Life – Perfect, because it only happens with her permission. 

© Calling All Cool Moms 2019