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This morning I had to decide whether to have a handful of Cheetos or a handful of grapes for breakfast. The refrigerator was so empty that I almost considered cleaning it, and my grocery list was collecting as much dust as the fridge shelves. I knew that whichever decision I made would be wrong: Cheetos would make me nauseous (also don’t eat powdered cheese, your arteries, cholesterol, blah blah blah), and grapes would leave me starving… for Cheetos. 

Why couldn’t I just make a breakfast choice and and scarf it up without thinking twice about it? Because as women, and especially as mothers, no matter what choices we make, they are all wrong. You want to be skinny? WRONG, that is an unrealistic message to send our youth. You want to disregard society’s obsession with balancing an 8-lb head on a clavicle that could snap with one strong sneeze, and creep your way to a comfy size 14? WRONG, you are sabotaging your health. No matter how we present ourselves, we will be criticized and sadly, attacked by other women. 

I am not exempt from the criticism, and I am also guilty of pushing my agenda on other women. This is especially true when it comes to a woman’s biggest (and therefore wrong-est) choice: Motherhood. You want to focus on your career and don’t see kids as part your future? WRONG, a woman’s sole purpose in life is to procreate! Without a child dropping from your uterus, you are lonely, selfish, and your societal faux pas is worse than wearing white jeans after Labor Day. On the flip side, you want to be a stay-at-home mom to 5 kids under age five? WRONG, you could be out earning a paycheck and by the way, have you ever heard of birth control? 

If you do decide to have kids, you might as well build an underground bunker and seal the hatch so that the rest of the human race can’t comment on your mothering. You want to bottle feed? WRONG, God gave you pillows from heaven for the sole purpose of stabilizing your child’s infant brain, keeping him from a life sentence at Shawshank. You want to breast feed? WRONG, you and your BFF Breast Pump are a prisoner of your baby, depriving his father from bonding with him over a midnight bottle. Wait, you let your kid sleep in your bed? WRONG, she will develop an unhealthy attachment to you and probably live in your basement until age 39. Or, you put your child in an entirely different room to sleep? WRONG, how will he ever understand the depth of your love if you are not breathing the same pocket of air while unconscious together? 

Ladies, let’s give each other a break. Instead of thinking we are all WRONG, maybe, just maybe, we are all RIGHT. Compliment the next woman you see. Tell her she is doing a great job, whether it’s running a staff meeting or keeping 3 kids quiet at a restaurant. At the end of the day, we are all facing the same decisions. Go ahead and eat the Cheetos. 

© Calling All Cool Moms 2018